You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
