considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
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