he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
