My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
