I faked an abortion last night.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
