Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
