Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Randomize
