I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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