Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
