Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Someone came in the potted fern
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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