dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
