I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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