halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
i will never coherently bang her
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
So apparently I’m into choking now
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