Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
