I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
