this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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