the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
