He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
