She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
