Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
