Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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