She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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