And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
