Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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