JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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