"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
