i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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