Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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