I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
