Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
