Your mouth is God's brothel.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
The best revenge is premature balding
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
