no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
