My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
