if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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