and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
