she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
