im holly from the hills drunk
I just gift wrapped bread.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
