Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize