Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Randomize
