I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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