Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i just had sex bonerless
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
