I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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