is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
