I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
