You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
