I hate all girls vehemently.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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