i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize