I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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