Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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