I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
