We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
