sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
