Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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