I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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