What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I enjoy the company of your penis
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
