I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
