apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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