She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
