my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
