that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
