your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
