hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
