Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I just want to make out with him forever
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
