Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
