Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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