if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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