I am puke
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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