I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
