Pappa wants mamma naked
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
