i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
