There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
