i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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