I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
