piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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