I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I just sucked dick on a ferry
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
