Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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