thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
