Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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