i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
